Tearing the Sheets in Dodgertown

Boston nightmare couple Frank and Jamie McCourt – the Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston of professional sports – are engaged in a truly ugly divorce, and the Los Angeles Dodgers are the abused offspring.

Frank (known in the Los Angeles press as “the Boston parking lot attendant”) says he alone owns the Dodgers; Jamie says they both own the franchise. A Wall Street Journal piece has Frank claiming he’s broke:

Mr. McCourt’s filing paints the picture of a man who, relative to his lifestyle, is operating without much of a cash cushion. In the filing, Mr. McCourt said his liquid assets consisted of a bank account with less than $1.2 million.

Jamie McCourt, meanwhile, paints a different monetary picture in court papers:

“Frank has access to the vast monetary resources of the Dodgers and other McCourt entities . . . I do not believe it is appropriate that I should be required to invade” savings to pay for living expenses — which she estimated at $489,000 a month

Half a million dollars a month in walking-around money?

Shut up.

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Kerry On

Nice piece in Wednesday’s New York Times about the political rebirth of Massachusetts’ finally senior Sen. John Kerry (D-Afghanistan).

[A]t 65, after a humbling spiral — from almost-president to Democratic scapegoat to campaign pariah (2006) to wannabe secretary of state (passed over for Hillary Rodham Clinton) — Massachusetts’ new senior senator has settled into an influential role as legislative bridge builder, international troubleshooter and party elder statesman.

But Kerry’s daughter Vanessa was having none of the Kerry-moped-for-two-years-and-now-he’s-back pabulum served up by the Times.

Vanessa Kerry, the senator’s younger daughter, bristles at any hint that her father has somehow been transformed of late. “I have the rare privilege of talking to my dad every night at 10 p.m. and hearing about what he did that day,” said Ms. Kerry, a resident at Massachusetts General Hospital. “To me, these conversations are still the same.”

Except now those conversations undoubtedly include some reference to her sibling Alexandra Kerry’s recent DUI bust in California, although the Times piece did not. Less reputable media sources, however, were -well – less circumspect than the Times.

Celebrity Corner – to take just one example – featured a photo of Alexandra in a see-through dress from a red-carpet appearance in 2004 to illustrate its coverage of her current DUI. And the site’s webghouls eagerly anticipated the inevitable mug shots of Alexandra:

There’s nothing better than a celebrity mug-shot and when Alexandra Kerry’s mug-shot comes out, it will be huge news.

Alexandra Forbes Kerry is the daughter of Sen. John Kerry, a one-time presidential hopeful. She has been charged for DUI in Hollywood, CA., reports Los Angeles police.

Police records show that Kerry was arrested shortly after midnight on Tuesday November 17, where likely Alexandra Kerry’s mug shot was taken and was released on a $5,000 bail at 5:25 am.

Meanwhile, over at the unread-by-millions (but believed by some) Celebgalz website, Alexandra Kerry was arrested actually wearing the notorious see-through dress:

Alexandra was wearing a see through dress when she was arrested. Kerry’s black dress was made of thin, see through material. The camera flash highlighted her lack of underwear.

Unfortunately, that news flash highlights the Internet’s lack of underpinnings.

Surfer, beware.

 

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Steve Pagliuca Won’t Stop Calling My House

Seriously, I’m about to request a TRO – telephone restraining order – against Massachusetts Senate hopeful and Boston Celtics co-owner Steve Pagliuca (D-$400 Million).

Pags (as he urges the Celtics players to call him) has been robo-calling me and the Missus for weeks. On Tuesday, he invited the Missus to participate in a gala Pagliuca town hall meeting.

Twice.

Enough!

Free the Missus One!

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Ad o’ the Day (pat(hetic) pending)

Massachusetts U.S. Senate hopeful Alan Khazei (D-Rhymes with Crazy) has just released a TV spot that’s the most ill-advised commercial since Christy Mihos’s butt-headed ad in the 2006 Massachusetts gubernatorial race.

Khazei’s current spot features two babies – a boy and a girl – supposedly having this conversation:

Boy Baby: Who ya voting for for Senate?

Girl Baby: Oh jeez. Two politicians and a big business guy?

Boy Baby: I like Alan Khazei. The City Year guy.

Girl Baby: Oh yeah. Helped a lot of kids.

Boy Baby: And he doesn’t take money from lobbyists and PACs like the rest of ‘em.

Girl Baby: That’s some change.

Boy Baby: Well if you want to change Washington…

Girl Baby: Uh-oh. I think we need a change right here.

Boy Baby: Woooh.

At that point, the Girl Baby is looking down at her diaper.  Back to the spot, with Khazei on camera:

I’m Alan Khazei, and I approve this message…because someone’s got to clean up the mess in Washington.

At that point, Khazei is holding up what looks like a loaded diaper.

File under: Concept with a capital Khazei.

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Steve Pagliuca Is Still Calling My House

Despite our attempts to discourage Steve Pagliuca from junk dialing us for votes, the Missus and I keep getting robo-calls from the U.S. Senate hopeful (D-ATM).

All the while, Pags (as he’d like us to call him) is piling up press clippings, among them:

A Boston Herald piece headlined “Steve Pagliuca woos female support.”

Lede:

Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Steve Pagliuca took aim yesterday at front-runner Martha Coakley’s female base of support, garnering the endorsement of historian Doris Kearns Goodwin . . .

(Whose constituency is . . . who exactly? Your “Plagiarists for Pags” punchline goes here.)

A Boston Globe piece about the Senate-race smackdown Monday night on old friend Emily Rooney’s WGBH program, “Greater Boston.”

Two mentions of Pags in the Globe story:

Boston Celtics co-owner Stephen Pagliuca, also vying for the Democratic nomination, was raised an Episcopalian.

Pagliuca ran away from one reporter and jumped into a car without answering questions after the debate.

Hey, Pags: Run away from me and the Missus.

Please.

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Ouch!

From Sunday’s New York Times piece about “Street Court,” a syndicated program hosted by one Michael Mazzariello that adjudicates small-claims cases en plein air:

Street Court” is the latest in a long line of court shows that dredge the in-boxes of New York City’s small-claims courtrooms, searching for litigants who are angrier than they are camera-shy. It has been 28 years since Judge Joseph Wapner heard his first case on “The People’s Court.” Copycats abounded, some successful (Judith Sheindlin of “Judge Judy”) and some less so (remember “Judge Maria Lopez”?).

The answer, of course, is “Not really.”

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Steve Pagliuca Keeps Calling My House

So the Massachusetts U.S. Senate special election is a layup for Attorney General Martha Coakley according to Sunday’s Boston Globe poll.

Coakley gets the support of 43 percent of respondents when asked who they would vote for if the primary were held today. US Representative Michael Capuano has support from 22 percent of the likely voters; Boston Celtics co-owner Steve Pagliuca from 15 percent, and City Year cofounder Alan Khazei from 6 percent.

Those numbers mean:

1) Capuano has stopped throwing Ted Kennedy’s name around in his TV spots, and started throwing Dick Cheney’s name around in his TV spots.

2) Pagliuca has spent about $6 million (with a bullet) to rent – maybe – one in six “likely” voters in the Democratic primary. What a likely voter might resemble on December 8 is anyone’s guess.

Regardless, Payliuca (as his high-priced campaign consultants reportedly call him) apparently thinks it might resemble me and the Missus. So he’s been robo-calling us for weeks and we’ve been ignoring him. In desperation the other day, the Missus picked up the phone and delivered the bad news that he shouldn’t really count on our vote.

The good news for Pags? The Globe poll found that 75% of survey respondents – despite who they say they’d “vote for today” – are undecided about who they’ll vote for on December 8.

Except for me and the Missus, of course.

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The Robinson Rapport

The best sideshow in town right now is Jack E. Robinson’s U.S. Senate windmill-tilting in the special GOP primary for Ted Kennedy’s seat.

Improbably, Robinson has gotten props in the Sunday Boston Globe’s op-ed pages and on WBUR’s Radio Boston. He also has an ad on YouTube – whether it’s on actual TV stations I do not know – that makes the following claims:

Robinson is a “graduate of Brown University, earned a law degree from Harvard Law School and an MBA from Harvard Business School.” Beyond that, he “had a successful quarter-century career in the business world and his company grew to employ over 1000 people.”  Robinson is also “a commodore in U.S. Navy League and a booster at the U.S. Naval Academy.”  Not to mention he was “the youngest airline president in modern U.S. aviation history.”

Campaign Outsider Official Disclaimer: The hardworking staff vouches for exactly none of the above assertions.

Back to the Robinson YouTube video: After that impressive litany of Robinson’s (maybe) achievements, a woman says, “Wow, there’s so much I don’t know about Jack E. Robinson.”

No kidding. Wait until she gets a load of The Robinson Report, the Come-to-Jesus reckoning that Robinson himself released in advance of his windmill-tilting 2000 run against , yes, Ted Kennedy.

The Robinson Report featured drunk driving and sexual harassment charges against Robinson, along with legal complications over possession of martial arts implements.

Wow, there’s so much everybody doesn’t know about Jack E. Robinson.

 

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Ad o’ the Day®

Headline on a New York Times full-page advertisement for Barneys:

Have a Witty Holiday!

Quotes in the ad:

“Brevity Is The Soul Of Lingerie” – Dorothy Parker

“The Only Way To Get Rid Of Temptation Is To Yield To It” – Oscar Wilde

“If I Were Two-Faced, Would I Be Wearing This One?” – Abraham Lincoln

Excellent!

 

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Two Flags Over Martha Coakley

As Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley continues her Joyless Pursuit of a U.S. Senate Seat, the lack-of-personality profiles just keep piling up.

Latest entry: Adrian Walker’s Boston Globe Metro column headlined “A charisma shortage.” It describes Coakley as stiff, mechanical, and devoid of sizzle.

Me, I just call Coakley bloodless.

Exhibit A: This passage from Walker’s piece:

When I asked what she thought would be most challenging in moving from attorney general to senator, Coakley’s response was mildly surprising. “I think the transition from district attorney to attorney general was a much bigger transition,’’ she said.

Mildly surprising? That’s downright dismissable out of hand, as was Coakley’s response at the start of the fix-is-in-for-Mike-Capuano Senate primary debate last month, in which Coakley claimed she first thought of running for Ted Kennedy’s vacant Senate seat right after the Big Guy died.

Puh-leeze. Coakley has been planning this run ever since Kennedy called in sick two years ago.

Martha Coakley can ignore reality all she wants. Massachusetts voters shouldn’t.

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