Will Someone Please Save Bill Keller From Himself?

The hardworking staff is starting to feel like the Bill Keller Intervention Squad, but then again someone has to do it.

Keller, former executive editor of the New York Times and current op-ed columnist, sticks his pen in his mouth virtually every time he puts it to paper.

Exhibit Umpteen: His piece in Sunday’s Times Magazine, which is, as always, about himself.

My Unfinished 9/11 Business

A hard look at why I wanted war.

Ten years after the attacks, we memorialize the loss and we mark the heroism, but there is no organized remembrance of the other feelings that day aroused: the bewilderment, the vulnerability, the impotence. It may be difficult to recall with our attention now turned inward upon a faltering economy, but the suddenly apparent menace of the world awakened a bellicose surge of mission and made hawks of many — including me — who had a lifelong wariness of the warrior reflex.

Yak yak yak.

Pull quote:

We were a little too pleased with ourselves for standing up to evil and defying the caricature of liberals as, to borrow a phrase from those days, brie-eating surrender monkeys.

Not to get technical about it, but the phrase was cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

Leave it to Keller to assume it was brie.

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Rafael Nadal, Please Call Sam Stosur

The was some can of whup-ass Sam Stosur opened on Serena Williams in the U.S. Open women’s final, yeah?

Match point:

 

And what would the U.S. Open be without a Seranta – in this case because (via YouTube) “playing a point against Sam Stosur, Serena Williams shouted, ‘C’MON’ when she hit a good ball. She yelled before the ball even landed, though, and the umpire penalized her by giving the point to Stosur.”

Rant at the umpire here:

 

YouTube transcript:

“I promise you, if you ever see me walking down the hallway, look the other way, ’cause you’re out of control. You’re out of control. Totally out of control, you’re a hater, and you’re just unattractive *pats heart* inside. How could you do such a thing? And I never complain. WOW. What a loser. *drinks water* A rules violation because I express who I am? We’re in America, last time I checked. *To towel girl* Can I get a water? *Back to umpire* Or am I gonna get violated for a water? Really, don’t even look at me. I promise you, don’t look at me, because I am not the one. Don’t. Look. My. Way.”

Rafael Nadal, on the other hand, should look Sam Stosur’s way and try to figure out how she beat an overwhelming favorite in a Grand Slam final.

Because that’s what Rafa needs to do this afternoon v. Novak Djokovic.

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For Tommy Ashton (II)

Splendid commenters to our remembrance of Tommy Ashton:

To the Ashton family: This is Steven Greene basketball referee who works the Tommy Ashton basketball 3 on 3 tournament. I never got the chance to meet you, but you have a wonderful family. So many people miss you, and you will always be remembered!!!!!!. Respectfully, Steven Greene.

God Bless Thomas and his family. While I never met him personally I received a bracelet with his name at a memorial dedication in Fenton, Missouri in 2005. There is a memorial service held each year to never forget the fellow Americans whose lives were taken that day. Tommy is remembered and he and his family will always be in our prayers.  – Tom Diven

Thank you both, Tom and Steven.

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For Tommy Ashton

Ten years ago today my cousin Tommy Ashton was murdered in the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center.

From the New York Times inspired (and inspirational) Portraits of Grief series:

SHARING OLD MEMORIES

Thomas Ashton

It was home movies night on Monday, Sept. 10, at the Ashton household in Woodside, Queens. No one is quite sure why the family decided to break out the old videotapes after so many years. But there they sat, glued to the screen: Thomas; his sisters, Colleen and Mary; and their parents, John and Kathy Ashton.

There were a lot of laughs, especially at the scenes of Thomas, barely out of a diaper, whipping the Frisbee at his father with the precision of someone 10 times his age. Monday was also Thomas’s first day at electrician’s school, part of his apprenticeship with Local 3 in Manhattan. The second day on the job, Thomas, 21, was sent to the 95th floor of the north tower.

”We hope that wherever he is, he is able to have those memories from the home movies in his mind,” Colleen Ashton said. ”It was special that we were able to share that time together.”

Also special is the many ways Tommy’s memory has been honored in the years since:

• His late grandfather Lew Worth’s fierce love of Tommy, which led him to visit Tommy’s grave (along with Tommy’s father John) every day for years

• The wonderful Thomas Ashton Foundation established by his sisters Colleen and Mary, which runs the annual Tommy Ashton 3-on-3 Basketball Tournament in Queens. This year it raised $27,000, donated to St. Jude Children’s Hospital and St. Sebastian School

• Lovely tributes such as this one from Branka Kristic on the Hofstra Parents, Hofstra Pride website:

We Remember

Peace and early morning sunshine have descended on a usually very busy Calkins Hall green at Hofstra. For the past week, students and staff have have been planting hundreds of American flags in remembrance of the heroes of 9/11, in the shape of our great country. We all know where we were on that day, on that moment.We remember the loved ones lost and the heroes who helped in recovery.

I planted a flag to honor Tommy Ashton who died under the debris of the Twin Towers on 9/11/01. My daughter’s friend, this 21-year-old came to his second day on the job in the World Trade Center. I will always remember his youth, exuberance and the pride in his parents’ eyes when they watched him compete in swimming. It is an honor and pleasure to have known you, Tommy.

In a note to me, Branka said this:

It was an honor and privilege to have known Tommy. He, Colleen and Mary swam on my daughter’s swim team, Flushing Flyers. Sweet young man, fast swimmer, leader, captain of his team.

I remember Tommy when he was just a tadpole, splashing around my parents’ swimming pool.

What a terrible terrible loss.

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StyleBustin’: Boston Herald Gives Local Infomercial A Pass

Chalk up another conquest for “styleboston,” the call girl of local TV content.

Friday Boston Herald piece:

‘Styleboston’ sets sights on Chicago

Hub-based TV show “styleboston,” which kicks off its third season tomorrow night, has big plans to bring its mix of fashion and lifestyle programming to the Windy City next year . . .

The half-hour show started on NECN in September 2009, but after moving to WCVB-TV Channel 5 in December 2010 and landing a prime Saturday night spot after the evening news, its ratings have soared to more than 100,000 viewers last weekend . . .

Bill Fine, president and general manager of WCVB-TV, said “styleboston,” which competes against “Saturday Night Live,” is “doing fine and will only get better.”

Not to get technical about it but 1) “Saturday Night Live” draws millions, even in reruns; and 2) as the hardworking staff has repeatedly noted, “styleboston” isn’t programming. It’s marketing.

WCVB sells ads for the half-hour; “styleboston” sells its content in the form of regular features like Gem of the Week, Trendsetter, and Scene Spotter.

But the Herald piece never points out that “styleboston” is an infomercial and WCVB is its enabler (we’d never say pimp).

Why the Herald and other news organizations in town aren’t crying foul about this is a complete mystery to the hardworking staff.

But it makes them enablers, too.

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Let The $4 Billion Rumpus Begin! (WeinerWorld Edition)

The battle for New York’s 9th Congressional district – formerly prowled by Anthony Weiner (D-Am I Still Married?) – is turning into a real donnybrook, with some reports showing Republican Bob Turner running ahead of gaffe-prone Democrat David Weprin, who was expected to win easily but now not so much.

So the Democrat-industrial complex has sprung into action, launching not one, but two ad campaigns attacking Turner.

From the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee:

 

That’s Turner as Mr. Corporate Jet.

From the House Majority PAC:

 

That’s Turner as Mr. Tea Party.

Coming soon, quite likely: Turner as Mr. Congressman.

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All The News That’s Fit To Print – Two Weeks Later

The New York Times has finally caught up with Michael Bloomberg’s religion ban at the Ground Zero memorial ceremony on Sunday. From today’s front page piece:

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg has come under attack by some religious and political leaders for not including clergy members as speakers at Sunday’s official ceremony at ground zero on the 10th anniversary of the attacks . . .

At the same time, some evangelical Christian leaders said they were outraged that an interfaith prayer service planned by the Washington National Cathedral did not include a Southern Baptist or other evangelical minister.

What the piece fails to mention is that Bloomberg’s been under attack for weeks, but the Times – and the major broadcast networks – have ignored it up to now. From conservative watchdog Media Research Center earlier this week:

Since the Wall Street Journal first reported on the exclusion of religion from the ceremony on August 24, ABC, CBS, and NBC have run 71 segments (Nexis searches of 9/11 OR September 11 from August 24 to September 4) mentioning 9/11. Not one of them mentioned the controversy over the absence of religious participation at the Ground Zero ceremony on 9/11.

Given that the Times serves as the assignment desk for the Big Three networks, don’t be surprised if you see something tonight.

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Michelle Obama’s Extreme Television Adventure

This isn’t exactly breaking news (People scooped it back in July), but First Lady Michelle Obama has gone all reality show, “[traveling] to Fayetteville, N.C., to help expand a community resource center for homeless female vets located just outside of Ft. Bragg.”

The lucky program that captured it all? ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Here’s the network promo that’s now airing:

 

Just a thought: Maybe Michelle should devote her energies to Extreme Makeover: Barack Edition. His image could use a thorough renovating, no?

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Gail Collins Off Book Leave; Seamus Sweepstakes™ Back On

As the hardworking staff has chronicled, it was just our luck that New York Times op-ed columnist Gail Collins went on book leave just when we had launched the Seamus Sweepstakes™, which offered excellent prizes for guessing when she would mention Mitt Romney in her column without tacking on that he drove to Canada with the family dog strapped to to roof of his (Romney’s, not Seamus’) car.

At the time we even sent a letter to Ms. Collins asking if she could work the sweepstakes into her bookstore appearances.

No reply.

Undaunted, we’ve sent another letter to Ms. Collins now that 1) she’s back from book leave, 2) has returned to the Times op-ed page, and 3) totally mentioned Seamus in her comeback column.

Dear Ms. Collins,

The hardworking staff at Campaign Outsider is delighted that you’re back on the Times op-ed page.

As you undoubtedly do not remember, right before you went on book leave Campaign Outsider had launched its excellent Seamus Sweepstakes™, which we introduced thusly:

“As her latest piece indicates, New York Times columnist Gail Collins is temperamentally incapable of mentioning  Mitt Romney without adding “who once drove to Canada with the family dog strapped to the roof of his car.”

“So Campaign Outsider has established the Seamus Sweepstakes, which challenges our splendid readers to guess the date on which Collins will write about Romney without mentioning his cartop pooch.”

You can understand, we’re sure, how thrilled we were when your comeback column featured a reference to – yes! – good old Seamus.

As a result, the Sweepstakes is back on. We’re sorry you’re not eligible to win, but please feel free to mention it in any future columns.

Sincerely,

The Hardworking Staff

Okay then. We’ll keep you posted.
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Dead Blogging The GOP Presidential Primary Debate

Full disclosure: The hardworking staff only saw the first and last half-hours of Wednesday night’s MSNBC Republican presidential primary slapfight, but a little of this crowd goes a long way.

So . . .

• If you picked “Ronald Reagan” for your drinking game, you were knee-walking by 8:15.

• Rick Perry (R-Madoff Like a Bandit) should buy the Los Angeles Dodgers, since he sidestepped virtually every question he was asked (see especially his climate change cha-cha), except the one about Social Security being a Ponzi scheme, which he jumped right in front of.

• Michele Bachmann (R-Big Hair Country), who lost her campaign team on Monday, lost her mojo on Wednesday.

• Wait – Mitt Romney (R-I’m Not Rick Perry) and Newt Gingrich (R-I’m Not Callista Gingrich) got questions about Ben Bernanke, but Rick “Bernanke Is Treasonous” Perry didn’t? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

• The audience cheered 234 Texas executions? Whiskey Tango etc. (Props to moderator Brian Williams for asking Perry: WTF?)

• Rick Santorum, Jon Huntsman, Herman Cain: Ave atque vale.

• Ron Paul (R-X Factor) is the player to be named later.

P.S. Did MSNBC’s new squawk show mouthpiece Al Sharpton actually refer to Galileo as “Galeo” in the cable net’s endless post-mortem?

MSNBC: Say it isn’t show.

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