The Tale of the the Girlfriend, the Jewish Boyfriend, and the Dog

Maybe it’s just us, but the hardworking staff is starting to see a pattern emerging here.

Start with the ubiquitous Lena Dunham’s current piece in The New Yorker.

Dog or Jewish Boyfriend? A Quiz

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Do the following statements refer to (a) my dog or (b) my Jewish boyfriend?

1. The first thing I noticed about him was his eyes.

2. We love to spend hours in bed together on Sunday mornings.

3. He’s crazy for cream cheese.

4. It hasn’t always been easy, but we currently live together and it’s going O.K.

5. Our anniversary is in two days and I’m not sure if he remembers.

6. If it were up to him, every room in our place would be carpeted.

Almost immediately, Dunham got carpet-bombed.

From the Googletron:

 

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Hey, Lena: It’s all good (publicity).

Coincidentally, the Weekend Wall Street Journal featured this column in its Ask Ariely series.

Your Girlfriend or Your Dog?

Dear Dan,

Last week, I asked my girlfriend to move in with me. After an awkward silence, she said that she couldn’t move in with me because she’s scared of dogs and dislikes my small Jack Russell terrier. I love my girlfriend and don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want to give my dog away either. Any advice? —Mike

This was most likely a test of your love for her, and you failed—so you don’t really need to worry about this particular dilemma.RV-AP931_ARIELY_8U_20150327125117

Still, you may face something similar in the future. If we looked at your dilemma from a rational economic perspective, the answer would be straightforward: Start by writing down how much happiness you get each day from your dog and how much happiness you expect to get each day from your girlfriend. Next, multiply each of these numbers by the expected duration of the relationship and discount it by the natural decline in happiness as relationships go on. Then pick the relationship with the higher number.

Seriously?

Pick the relationship with the higher number?

What the hell is wrong with dog people?

Not to mention Lena Dunham.

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