AAA’s Bail Out

So the Missus and I just received our AAA membership renewals (the last 12 months turned out to be the Year of the Jump Start), and much to my dismay, there’s no Bail Bond Certificate.

Since forever, AAA membership included a clip ‘n’ save card that said:

IMPORTANT

DETACH AND KEEP THIS BAIL BOND CERTIFICATE

$5,000 BOND CERTIFICATE

[for any violation of a motor vehicle law]

$1,000 GUARANTEED ARREST BOND CERTIFICATE

[for other stuff that’s not immediately apparent from the fine print]

Of course, like Rainman, the Missus and I are excellent drivers. So it’s unlikely knockonwood that we’d ever need either option.

Well, the Missus anyway.

Even so, I don’t feel as safe on the roadways of this great land of ours as I used to.

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Barack Obama’s Shape-Shifting Presidency

Late last month the Weekly Standard ran a Scrapbook item headlined “The Thinness of His Skin.”

Nut graf:

[F]or startling insight into the mind of our 44th president, we cannot do better than his recent commencement address at Hampton University in Virginia. Most graduation speeches are predictably anodyne and tend to rely on well-worn generalities. Obama, by contrast, was refreshingly specific at Hampton: He does not like the newfangled means by which many of today’s college graduates​—or anyone, for that matter​—obtain information.

You’re coming of age in a 24/7 media environment that bombards us with all kinds of content and exposes us to all kinds of arguments, some of which don’t rank all that high on the truth meter. With iPods and iPads and Xboxes and PlayStations—none of which I know how to work—information becomes a distraction, a diversion, a form of entertainment, rather than a tool of empowerment, rather than the means of emancipation.

Now Barack Obama has embraced information as a tool of incarceration.

From Saturday’s New York Times:

Obama Takes a Hard Line Against Leaks to Press

Nut graf:

In 17 months in office, President Obama has already outdone every previous president in pursuing leak prosecutions. His administration has taken actions that might have provoked sharp political criticism for his predecessor, George W. Bush, who was often in public fights with the press.

The Times piece mostly focuses on the prosecution of “veteran intelligence bureaucrat” Thomas A. Drake, currently under indictment for leaking information about the National Security Agency’s post-9/11 warrantless wiretapping of American citizens.

So Obama is prosecuting leaks that didn’t even happen on his watch.

In 2008 Barack Obama was the classic empty-vessel candidate. Voters could attach to him any characteristics they wanted, largely because Obama ran on biography, not ideology.

But we now know what Obama’s not: He’s not liberal (never mind a socialist), he’s not bipartisan, and he’s not transparent.

You can discuss among yourselves whether the American people bought a pig in a poke. But there’s no question that some of them bought a poke in the eye.

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Campaign Outsider Hair Solon (pat. pending)

Here at the Global Worldwide Headquarters of Campaign Outsider, the hardworking staff has always been reluctant to talk about other people’s hair, given our own tonsorially challenged status.

But California Senate nominee Carly Fiorina (R-Hewlett Sent Packing) has forced our hand.

Via Friday’s New York Times:

In one of those classic campaign gaffes, Carly Fiorina, the Republican nominee for the Senate seat held by Barbara Boxer, the California Democrat, was caught mocking Ms. Boxer’s hair into an open microphone on Wednesday.

The offending quote:

Video of the episode shows Ms. Fiorina waiting to be interviewed by a Sacramento television station, scrolling through her BlackBerry . . .

Then, after commentary on the passion for hamburgers shared by her husband and male staff members, Ms. Fiorina somehow pivoted to the locks of her Democratic opponent.

“Laura [a friend of Carly’s] saw Barbara Boxer briefly on television this morning and said what everyone says, ‘God, what is that hair?’ Soooooooo yesterday,” Ms. Fiorina said, scrolling, scrolling.

All due respect, but isn’t it the other California senator, Dianne Feinstein, who has yesterday hair?

Campaign Outsider Photo Solon®:

Just sayin’.

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BP “Faking This Right”

BP’s “Making This Right” media campaign is a slow-motion train wreck, starting with anything featuring CEO Typhoid Tony Hayward, a man who truly puts the “damage” in damage control.

(Can we agree that Hayward is the worst media spokesman since Iraq’s Comical Ali? I knew we could.)

Then there are the full-page national newspaper ads, such as the Making This Right/Claims ad that has claims rep Darryl Willis claiming this:

So far, we have paid more than 19,000 claims, totaling more than $53 million.

For those of you keeping score at home, that would be an average payout of $2789.47.

Big whoop.

Meanwhile, news reports carry headlines such as this (from the Boston Herald – trust me):

GULF BUSINESSES AILING AS BP DELAYS PAYMENTS

So maybe things aren’t as rosy as Darryl Willis says.

Memo to BP: Advertising never trumps reality. Never.

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Barney (Too) Frank

Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank (D-You Talkin’ To Me?) is an insprirational figure.

Just ask Joel B. Pollak, who wrote an op-ed in Thursday’s Wall Street Journal headlined “Why I’m Running as a Tea Party Republican.”

Here’s my story. When I learned that my representative in Congress, Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D., Ill.), had called the tea parties “shameful” and “despicable” merely for protesting the stimulus bill, I suspected that the lady doth protest too much.

At around the same time that Ms. Schakowsky made these comments, I had a confrontation with Rep. Barney Frank (D., Mass.) at Harvard University. “How much responsibility, if any, do you have for the financial crisis?” I asked him at an event, prompting an angry response.

The confrontation became a YouTube hit, and people back home encouraged me to challenge Ms. Schakowsky.

The YouTube hit (if you define “hit” as 11,743 views):

Frank, who is to common courtesy what plaid is to Bermuda shorts, comes across in the clip as thin-skinned, abrasive, and thoroughly ungracious – all qualities, he would say, that are superfluous in the political world.

Regardless, Joel B. Pollak is now the Tea Party-endorsed GOP congressional nominee in the 9th district of Illinois.

If Pollak improbably unseats incumbent Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-Are You Kidding?), don’t forget to send a thank-you note to Barney, the big purple-faced dinosaur.

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Dropping Chevy Is Deuced Foolish

So, the New York Times reports, the geniuses at GM have decided that a Chevrolet is no longer a Chevy:

On Tuesday, G.M. sent a memo to Chevrolet employees at its Detroit headquarters, promoting the importance of “consistency” for the brand, which was the nation’s best-selling line of cars and trucks for more than half a century after World War II.

And one way to present a consistent brand message, the memo suggested, is to stop saying “Chevy,” though the word is one of the world’s best-known, longest-lived product nicknames.

And that “consistent brand message” would be: GM stands for Gone Mental.

Exhibit B: “A postscript to the memo says a sort of cuss jar – a plastic ‘Chevy’ can – has been placed in the hallway. ‘Every time someone uses “Chevy” rather than Chevrolet,’ the note said, the employee is expected to put a quarter in the can.

Trying to inject some reality into the picture, the Times piece notes brand nicknames that have stuck – and worked –  such as Coke, FedEx, and KFC. The best analogy, though, is what happened at ESPN 2. When the emergency backup sports network first hit cable, ESPN anchors started calling it The Deuce, which the Brainiacs in Bristol said reduced brand awareness, so they had a “cuss jar” too.

Of course, The Deuce became its own brand, which the Einsteins at ESPN belatedly realized.

This Just In: GM has – not surprisingly – shifted into reverse, according to the Wheels blog at the Times:

No more Chevy? News of the phase-out spread quickly, and the hundreds of comments to Wheels revealed an emotional connection to the Chevy name. The overwhelming response prompted G.M. to issue a formal news statement on the change, one in which the company uses the word Chevy. Twice.

Here is the statement in full:

Today’s emotional debate over a poorly worded memo on our use of the Chevrolet brand is a good reminder of how passionately people feel about Chevrolet. It is a passion we share and one we do not take for granted.

We love Chevy. In no way are we discouraging customers or fans from using the name. We deeply appreciate the emotional connections that millions of people have for Chevrolet and its products.

In global markets, we are establishing a significant presence for Chevrolet and need to move toward a consistent brand name for advertising and marketing purposes. The memo in question was one step in that process.

We hope people around the world will continue to fall in love with Chevrolets and smile when they call their favorite car, truck or crossover “Chevy.”

Here endeth the lesson.

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Wall Street Journal Gets Religion!

In its ongoing Come to Jesus initiative, the Wall Street Journal on Wednesday featured this headline and photo (but no story) dropped into the middle of Page One:

‘You Will Not Fear … the Arrow That Flies by Day’

Caption:

RESCUE AND PROTECT: Staff Sgt. Edward Rosa reads the Bible and extends a cigarette to PFC Jorge Rostran Obando, who was stunned by an explosion in Afghanistan’s Arghanab Valley. One comrade was killed and two injured in the blast. Pfc. Rostran  asked the sergeant to read Psalm 91, a favorite from his childhood.

Then again, some might say you really should fear the arrows that fly every day in the WSJ.

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Throw Texas Billionaire Dan Duncan From The Train

As the essential Dan Kennedy of Media Nation noted on Twitter:

JD Rockefeller’s estate paid a 70% tax. Texas billionaire Dan Duncan’s estate pays zero. Socialism! http://nyti.ms/d4RGSY

What the 140-character character of Twitter couldn’t accommodate about the (temporary) death of the “death tax” was this, from Page One of Wednesday’s New York Times:

Although the tax affects only about 5,500 estates a year, it is such an incendiary issue that when Congress unexpectedly let it lapse at the end of 2009, financial advisers warned that it might play a macabre factor in the end-of-life decisions being weighed by heirs of elderly Americans. Some estate lawyers worried that tax considerations might prompt their clients to keep an ill relative on life support through the end of 2009 to get the favorable treatment — or worse, resist life-prolonging measures to hasten a relative’s demise before the end of 2010.

As in, the Throw Momma From the Train Act.

Your Momma goes here.

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Edie Falco And W.C. Fields Are An Item

Well, the Missus and I went down to the Big Town for a stretch but you don’t really give a damn so I have just three things to say:

• The Brooklyn Museum rocks on Target First Saturdays.

• Edie Falco and Alison Pill are brilliant in the current Off-Broadway production of This Wide Night.

The Peregrinations & Pettifoggery of W.C. Fields at the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts is a hoot.

Go fishin’.

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Massachusetts Goobernatorial Race

Nice piece in Wednesday’s Boston Globe by Stephanie Ebbert calling the roll of the Bay State’s perennial political hopefuls (the “always-rans,” as Ebbert labels them) “whose names — Jill, Grace, Christy, Carla, Jack E. — are familiar to many on the Massachusetts campaign trail, even if their goals remain elusive. These political hopefuls cannot seem to stop throwing their hat in the ring, experience be damned.”

That would be Jill Stein, Grace Ross, Christy Mihos, Carla Howell, and Jack E. Robinson – or the Funtastic Five as we’ve dubbed them here at the Global Worldwide Headquarters of Campaign Outsider.

Of the FunFive, only Stein is actually running this year. For governor. Again.

One made member of the local chin-strokerati told the Globe:

“I have no doubt that Jill Stein would be a more significant player if she had the ability to mount a media campaign, for example, and build a large organization’’

Which reminded the hardworking staff of Stein’s 2002 Massachusetts gubernatorial run, when the state’s Clean Elections Law was still in effect. If memory serves us, Stein (inexplicably? heartbreakingly?) fell about 600 signatures short of $3 million in public funds, which would have made that Big Love Campaign (Mitt Romney and Shannon O’Brien and Jill Stein and Grace Ross and Carla Howell) a much more interesting affair.

(Then again, three million of our bucks didn’t do much in the Democratic gubernatorial primary that year for Warren Tolman, whose blockheaded ad campaign greatly helped the former state senator marginalize himself.)

Regardless, Jill Stein will not be a significant player and will not mount a media campaign and will not build a large organization in the 2010 Massachusetts gubernatorial race.

Your bitter recriminations (against Stein, against the Massachusetts Great and General Court for repealing the Clean Elections Law that was enacted by popular vote, against the voters of Massachusetts for approving the Clean Elections Law, against the hardworking staff) go here.

POSTSCRIPT: The hardworking staff will be largely incommuniblogo for the rest of the week. We might check in – depending on the blogarific qualities of the iPad – but for the most part we’ve . . .

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