The people who speak for Donald Trump, when he’s not ridiculously speaking for himself, are coming to resemble a political version of the Star Wars Cantina scene.

Start with the thoroughly hallucinogenic Katrina Pierson, who currently insists that 1) unscientific polls are accurate, 2) media can no longer report Trump won’t release his tax returns, and 3) Hillary Clinton is to blame for Trump’s stop-and-frisk plan.

(Salon has helpfully collected Katrina Pierson’s Greatest Hits, if you’re eager for more.)

Then there’s Trump’s press secretary Hope Hicks, who provides no hope of getting a straight answer ever. Here she is in a Washington Post report on Trump’s purported charitable contributions.

Trump’s campaign says he’s given ‘tens of millions’ to charity, but offers no details and no proof

A spokeswoman for Donald Trump’s presidential campaign, seeking to rebut criticism of the GOP nominee’s history of charitable giving, said that Trump has given away “tens of millions of dollars” over his life.

But spokeswoman Hope Hicks offered no details about that number, beyond saying that it included donations from the Donald J. Trump Foundation — a charity that, despite its name, has been filled almost entirely with other people’s money in recent years.

Hicks also provided no information about how much — if any — of the donations she was describing had come from Trump’s own pocket.

(To be fair graf goes here)

To be fair, information-free is how Donald Trump rolls. So why get technical about it.

Next up : Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, who has ludicrously asserted that 1) the Trump campaign shakeup that landed her as campaign manager was “an expansion,” even though her predecessor was fired, and 2) Trump didn’t lie when he said presidential debate moderator Lester Holt is a Democrat (he’s actually a registered Republican) because “a lie would mean that he knew the man’s party registration.”

Okay then.

Now comes the Dickensian-named Jessica Ditto, who proved her muddle in this New York Times piece yesterday about Trump’s attacks on former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, who he called “Miss Piggy” because she had gained weight, and “Miss Housekeeping” because she was a Latina.

A spokeswoman for Mr. Trump, Jessica Ditto, said that Ms. Machado’s claims that Mr. Trump humiliated her were “totally baseless” and that he never called her those names. But the Clinton campaign released video of Mr. Trump, who was an executive producer of the pageant, saying of Ms. Machado, then 19, “This is somebody who likes to eat.”

To recap:

We are totally Through the Looking Glass right now, my friends.

Lewis Carroll (no relation) would be so proud.