Time to grade the presidential candidates, so once around the park, James, and don’t spare the horses:

MITT PLEASURE

They say when your opponent is self-destructing, just stay out of his way. In the GOP presidential primaries, Mitt Romney (R-Anderson? Anderson?) is giving the rest of the field a very wide berth indeed. Romney refuses to go on the Sunday squawk shows and – apart from a few H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks moments in debates and on the campaign trail – he’s remained above the fray. So far, Romney is winning by staying out of the game.

PERRY & THRUST

After Rick Perry (R-Am I Still Laughing?) was done hugging his bottle of maple syrup in his Granite State gigglefest, he seemed to get back to normal, which is slightly north of 10% in the polls. But he’s spending some serious money on TV spots in Iowa and New Hampshire, and his Super PAC Make Up Great Again is on the air in Iowa and South Carolina. Give the ads a couple of weeks and see if Perry can buy his way back into the race.

CAIN & DISABLE

Tough week in the news media for Herman Cain (R-The Harmanator) as he fought sexual harassment allegations by rolling out more stories than Richard North Patterson. But things weren’t as tough in the polling or fundraising departments. In a South Carolina survey taken after the controversy broke, Cain beat Romney 33% to 23%. And he took in $250,00 in donations the day after the story hit the news, $300,000 the day after. Theory #1: This campaign has been straight out of Bizarro World all along – why would it change now? Theory #2: This could go sideways so fast we’ll wind up calling him The Crabanator.

STRAW PAUL

Here’s a guy who wins all the small-time bakeoffs (Iowa straw poll last weekend, Values Voter Summit, Florida, and Ohio – by a blowout – last month). But Ron Paul (R-Can You Hear Me Now?) can’t buy media coverage. Which is why he’s buying millions of dollars worth of airtime in Iowa and New Hampshire to at least register on the public radar screen. And he’s scraping along (with Perry and Gingrich) at around 10% in the Real Clear Politics composite poll. Call it the 10% Dissolution.

OY OF NEWT

Even though this is the retail politics phase of the presidential primaries, Newt Gingrich (R-Anyone Seen Callista?) so far has only shopped the specials: the debates and the squawk shows. He’s been moderately effective in both venues, alternating between Big Media Basher and Big Ideas Touter. The rest of the time he has seemed more concerned with selling his books and documentaries. But his fundraising and poll numbers are up lately, so maybe he’ll punch in after all.

BACK O’ THE PACK

Rick Santorum, Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann – wake us when one of them gets hit by lightning.

Key:

= Excellent

= Good

= Fair

= Poor

Originally posted on Boston University Professor Voices