Welcome Matt

New York Times op-ed columnist David Brooks distributed his annual Sidney awards on Christmas Day, and this year’s festivities included a repeat winner:

I try not to give Sidneys to the same people year after year, but the fact is, talent is not randomly distributed. Some people, like Matt Labash of The Weekly Standard, just know how to write. His piece, “A Rake’s Progress” was a sympathetic and gripping profile of Marion Barry, the former Washington, D.C., mayor, crack-smoker and recent girlfriend-stalker.

At the start of his first interview, Labash, making small talk, asked Barry if he still has a scar from an old bullet wound: “ ‘Let’s see,’ he says, lifting his shirt, so that within ten minutes of arriving, I’m eyeball to areola with Barry’s left nipple. It’s a move that’s very Barry. Most times, he reveals nothing at all. Then he reveals too much.”

Labash delights in Barry’s rascally nature, but also captures why the voters of Barry’s ward don’t merely vote for him, they possess him and cherish him.

Two years ago Brooks also bestowed a Sidney on Labash:

Matt Labash of The Weekly Standard is consistently one of the best magazine writers in the country. Since amoral blackguards bring out his best, his profile of political dirty tricks artist Roger Stone was bound to be good. Stone cut his teeth with Nixon, loved Roy Cohn, works with Trump, advised Sharpton and has laid a barrage of fire into Eliot Spitzer. One of Stone’s maxims is: “Hit from every angle. Open multiple fronts on your enemy. He must be confused, and feel besieged on every side.”

But Stone is also a colorful, dashing artist of the underhanded. Labash tried to ply him with alcohol to loosen his tongue. But Stone was one step ahead. He’d already paid the waiter to bring him water disguised as martinis.

Truth is, Labash should’ve scored the Sidney Awards hat trick, since his December, 2008 piece on what remains of Detroit was probably the best of the three.

Representative sample:

This is the place where bad times get sent to make them belong to somebody else, thus, it seems easy to agree about Detroit because the city embodies everything the rest of the country wants to get over.

–Jerry Herron, AfterCulture: Detroit and the Humiliation of History (1993)

Detroit
My plane hadn’t even finished descending through the snow-drizzly sheets of December gray, when already, I heard someone crack on it. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” a Northwest flight attendant announced, “Welcome to lovely Detroit, the one and only home of the Detroit auto worker of America. Happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.”

The lawyer sitting next to me sniggered. He was only buzzing in for a day or so, but knowing I was a reporter, come to write a story on the city, he asked, “How long are you in for?”

“About a week,” I responded.

“Good luck with that,” he said, piteously shaking his head. “It sucks.”

Before I’d left, I’d asked an acquaintance if he was from Detroit. “Indeed I am,” he said, “Give me all your f–ing money.” Another colleague, always mindful of my desire for maximum material, suggested, “You should go when it’s warm, you’d have a better chance of getting hurt.”

Somewhere along the way, Detroit became our national ashtray, a safe place for everyone to stub out the butt of their jokes.

Like David Brooks said, Matt Labash can flat out write.

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A Christmas Carroll

Merry Christmas from me and the Missus.

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Ads ‘n’ Ends (continued)

Picking up from where the hardworking staff ran out of gas last night:

Gross National Happiness

Wednesday’s Wall Street Journal reported on America’s happiness index:

The Drag of Devising a State-by-State

Mirth Meter

Researchers Try to Measure ‘Gross National Happiness,’ but Satisfaction, Though Nearly Guaranteed, Is Poorly Defined

How happy are Mississippians?

If you believe one recent study, not very. A report last month ranked them 48th in well-being among residents of the 50 states. But a more recent study, published online last week, ranked Mississippi the seventh-merriest state in the nation. Bring us a plate of whatever they’re serving.

Who’s serving up the studies are Gallup and the Centers for Disease Control.  (The CDC rankings are in the Journal piece; the Gallup rankings are here.)

The reason for the disparity? The Journal’s explanation:

Overall, people in Mississippi reported similar levels of well-being to Gallup and to the CDC. But one crucial distinction between the studies helps explain the diverging levels of bliss: The Science study controlled for differences between respondents, such as age, income and marital status. People who are employed, married and high income-earning tend to be happier.

A state that has a lot of married, wealthy people is likely to rank high in happiness, but not because its residents have chosen the ideal place to live. In fact, wealthy, married couples tend to be happy anywhere. If you are single and not wealthy, moving to a more happily-ranked state isn’t likely to lift your spirits much, says study co-author Andrew J. Oswald, an economist at the University of Warwick in the U.K.

I don’t quite follow, but luckily the splendid readers of Campaign Outsider are a lot smarter than I am.

On a parochial level, Massachusetts ranks eighth in the Gallup survey, 43rd in the CDC’s.

Raise your hand if you’re happy about that.

Brain scams?

From New Scientist (via the Missus):

Brain scan reveals who will keep their promises

Promises are made to be broken, so it can be tough to tell which ones will be kept. But new-found patterns in brain activity can reveal whether someone intends to keep their word.

The finding raises the possibility of using brain scans to determine the true intentions of criminals who are up for early release on parole, according to Thomas Baumgartner of the University of Zurich in Switzerland.

That’s all well and good, but maybe (via the Missus) the scans should be used during election-year debates and stump speeches.

Any candidates want to promise that?

The Red Sock of Courage

The Wall Street Journal’s Best of the Decade on Sports TV includes this among its Top 11 through 20:

Curt Schilling’s ‘Bloody Sock’ game in the 2004 ALCS against the Yankees

Amazingly, there’s no mention of it on Schilling Himself’s increasingly sporadic blog. Maybe he’s not feeling well.

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Ads ‘n’ Ends

Heroes? No, zeroes

Headline on a full-page New York Times ad for The Everlon Diamond Knot Collection:

2 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS

This is the moment when men become heroes.

No, two days before Christmas is when men stop counting the zeroes.

Heroes are the armed forces fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq.

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Hark! The Herald!

From our Strange Bedfellows Bureau:

The Boston Herald has become an underwriter at WGBH, the local public broadcaster that’s turned into a radio mixmaster with 89.7 FM going news/talk and WGBH’s classical programming going to 99.5 FM.

And now here’s the Boston Herald going all upscale in its WGBH underwriting credit:

We’re sponsored by you, our listeners, and by: The Boston Herald – comprehensive reporting and analysis of local and national news, business, sports, lifestyle, and much more.

The Boston Herald. Someone’s got to say it.

Well, WGBH has got to anyway.

But plug the Herald hoopla into the Campaign Outsider Translatron (pat. pending) and here’s what you get:

Comprehensive = Lively index to the Boston Globe

Reporting = See below

Analysis = Sandblasting/Sandbagging

And much more = The Official Wayback Machine comics page featuring Brenda Starr, Garfield, and Hagar the Horrible.

Horrible.

About that reporting thing. Here’s a sample of the Herald’s newshounding:

The brothers Brady

Experts: It’s up to parents to tame sibling rivalry

Like Shakespeare’s toxic tale of sibling rivalry “Richard III” – one brother heir to England’s throne; the other, a jealous cast-off – the two sons of Patriots [team stats] quarterback Tom Brady [stats] will likely inherit their famous father’s competitive streak.

Just to be clear: The Boston Herald was the first to report a sibling rivalry that has yet to exist.

Comprehensive reporting indeed.

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Sign o’ the Media Times®

So you have actress Brittany Murphy dying at the ripe old age of 32, and you know a media feeding frenzy will follow like night follows the day.

But who’s following whom in the news media is the major sidebar to this sad-for-whatever-reason death.

Exhibit A:  CBSNews.com cites TMZ as its source for the claim that Murphy’s death was drug-induced:

Celebrity Web site TMZ is reporting there were “large amounts of prescription medications” on the nightstand when paramedics arrived at her Hollywood home, and that Murphy was “complaining of shortness of breath and severe abdominal pain” in the week before she died.

Time was, an outfit like TMZ would rely on, oh, CBS for its material.

Exhibit B: Xerox journalism from the Boston Herald. To wit:

Murphy had been complaining of shortness of breath and severe abdominal pain for 7 to 10 days before her death, TMZ reported. The Web site said there was “a significant amount of vomit” in the bathroom area where she died.

Not to get personal about it, but Xerox journalism gives me severe abdominal pain.

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The World’s Greatest Debilitative Body

The chin-strokerati is starting to turn on the U.S. Senate.

First, New York Times Op-Out columnist Paul Krugman, whose latest piece laments the “rule of 60” in the Senate,  that is, “the need for 60 votes to cut off Senate debate and end a filibuster — a requirement that appears nowhere in the Constitution, but is simply a self-imposed rule.”

As Krugman further notes:

Remember, the Constitution sets up the Senate as a body with majority — not supermajority — rule. So the rule of 60 can be changed.

Washington Post Op-Odd columnist E.J. Dionne goes even further:

Anyone who wants to change or even abolish the Senate has my full support. But that is not an option now.

So the Senate-as-cooling-saucer that Thomas Jefferson/James Madison characterized (you sort it out) is now too hot to handle?

O tempora.

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Ad o’ the Day©

Apparently, the gumosphere is all a-Twitter over Trident Layers chewing gum.

Headline for a Trident Layers ad (via Mashable) on the back page of Sunday’s New York Times Week in Review (!) section:

The people have Tweeted.

The ad’s visual is a stick of Trident Layers gum with a galaxy of tweets around it.

Representative sample: “Trident Layers gum may be my new obsession” (thank you, FitBottomedGirl).

And the aptly named amybites wrote, “I have chewed approximately a million pieces of Trident Layers today. I can’t stoooooopppp!!!”

And here’s lollieshopping: “Just chewed my 1st Trident Layers gum. Green apple + Golden pineapple. It was yummy and refreshing.”

Just to complete the circle, here’s lollieshopping’s tweet about being a tweeter in the Trident Layers “The people have Tweeted” ad:

Thank you to everyone for the props on being included in @tridentlayers print ad. Your sweet tweets made my day & I say that w/enthusiasm.

Sweet.

At the bottom of the Trident Layers ad it says we can “Follow the sweetness” here. So the hardworking staff at Campaign Outsider did.

We found a Trident Twitterpage filled with tweets that boil down to these three sentiments:

glad to see you liked the ad. hope you like our gum!

thanks so much for the compliment! much appreciated.

thanks for the kind words about our ad! have you had a chance to try our gum?

Our question:

Hey, Twit Nation – how do you like being advertising? Is it yummy and refreshing?

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The Wizard of Ewws

How creepy/weird is it that during TNT’s cablecast of “The Wizard of Oz” Saturday night (7-9:15 pm) one commercial break featured a spot for . . . Viagra?

Sure, “The Wizard of Oz” is all about things the characters lack. But geez – do you really want to see a musical number featuring The Droopy Erectite?

Me neither.

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To the Woods-shed

Verrrryy interesting Friday Wall Street Journal piece headlined, “How Tiger Protected His Image.”

Seems back in 2007, the National Enquirer had a scoop about Tiger’s canoodling with Florida “restaurant employee” Mindy Lawton, but spiked the exposé (the Enquirer denies this) in return for a Tiger! cover story in sister publication Men’s Fitness (both are owned by American Media Inc.).

That was a surprise to Golf Digest, which had retained Woods as its golf-guru-in-residence, the Journal reported:

Under Golf Digest’s contract with Mr. Woods, the monthly, which is owned by Condé Nast Publications Inc., spent as much as $1 million annually on donations to the Tiger Woods Foundation, printing the charity’s annual report and sponsoring many of Mr. Woods’s preferred tournaments, according to a person familiar with the terms. In return, Mr. Woods agreed to contribute monthly articles on golf techniques and limit his appearances in competing publications.

But Woods was apparently free to freelance, according to the WSJ:

Mr. Woods had cut an unusual deal with American Media Inc., the owner of both Men’s Fitness magazine and the National Enquirer tabloid newspaper. Mr. Woods agreed to the cover shot and photo spread in Men’s Fitness, whose circulation of about 700,000 per issue is less than half of Golf Digest’s nearly 1.7 million, in return for the National Enquirer squelching a story and photographs purportedly showing Mr. Woods in a liaison with a woman who wasn’t his wife, according to people directly involved in the arrangement.

Meanwhile, the woman who is Tiger’s wife has become the hot endorsement get. From a KSINO Brand clothing press release:

EXCLUSIVE ENDORSEMENT FOR ELIN

As Tiger’s Deals Dry Up, Mrs. Woods is Getting Offers

December 18, 2009-New York, New York -Amid rumors that Elin Nordegren is about to file for divorce from her beleaguered super-star husband, KSINO Brand clothing is reaching out to the publically humiliated wife with a serious offer. The newly launched premium apparel company has recently signed exclusive celebrity spokesperson agreements with one of poker’s hottest players (Lacey Jones) as well as a Playboy Cyber Girl (Jessa Lynn) but they see this possible relationship with the soon-to-be ex-Mrs. Woods as one that speaks directly to their brand.

“We have tried a number of times to contact Ms. Nordegren” said KSINO President Alex That. “We know that she is going through a very difficult time right now, but we want to offer her a position with our company as a celebrity spokesperson. This is a real offer. We think she’s right for our brand because we’re all about taking chances, staying cool and winning, while still looking great. She is about to embark on a newly single life. She is taking risks and remaining classy, that’s what KSINO is about” he continued. “We will continue to reach out to Elin, but I ask that she or her spokes-person contact me immediately”.

The hardworking staff at Campaign Outsider also asks that Elin Woods or her spokesperson contact us immediately.

We – and KSINO Brand clothing – should live so long.

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