There’ll Always Be A Brookline (Styrofoam Ban Edition)

With apologies (but no trademark infringement) to The New Yorker

As of next December, the hardcaffeinating staff will be buying its coffee elsewhere from the People’s Republic of Brookline.

Wednesday’s Boston Globe:

Styrofoam ban approved in Brookline

Vote boots Styrofoam

BROOKLINE — A special Town Meeting voted Tuesday night to ban the use of Styrofoam in the town for takeout food containers and beverages.

By a vote of 169-to-27, the Town Meeting elected to prohibit the use of disposable polystyrene, also known by its trademarked name Styrofoam, for food and beverages packaged in food service establishments in Brookline.

As a result, Dunkin’ Donuts and other restaurants that serve hot coffee in plastic foam cups will have to use an alternative cup in town, beginning in December 2013. “It seems to me that the environmental effects are reason enough to ban this stuff,” said Nancy Heller, the Town Meeting member who proposed the ban.

The hardworking staff has no kids so, to be honest, we don’t care as much as Brookline goo-goos might about the environmental effects of styrofoam. Add to that, the Dunkin’ Donuts medium coffee cup stands as one of the design triumphs of our era.

Conclusion: We think the annoying effects of this vote are reason enough to ban Nancy Heller.

No offense.


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6 Responses to There’ll Always Be A Brookline (Styrofoam Ban Edition)

  1. I didn’t know there still were styrofoam cups. Do you buy your coffee in 1972? Is Dale Dorman still zany?

  2. Jeremy says:

    What a brilliant response – I don’t have any kids, and I don’t care about you or yours, so I’ll happily do my best to avoid helping the planet, even if that means I need to drive further (in my polluting vehicle) to do so.

    The epitome of what it means to be a caring person and good citizen John, truly.

  3. But Dunkin coffee smells and tastes like the water seen in Hillbilly Handfishin’. Why not take advantage of this opportunity to get some real coffee?

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