The hardworking staff is pleased to announce Campaign Outsider’s Hawkie Awards, a quadrennial exercise in highlighting the most ridiculous aspects of the Iowa caucuses, outside of the fact that they have any impact at all.

Regardless, nunc est bibendum:

I’ll Miss You Most of All, Scarecrow

Michele Bachmann (R-The Other Michele in the White House) in her not-so-concession speech (via ABC’s The Note):

WEST DES MOINES, Iowa — GOP contender Michele Bachmann placed dead last among the Republican candidates competing in the Iowa, a stunning fall for a candidate who just five months ago cruised to victory in the Iowa straw poll.

Despite a dismal six place finish, with a percentage of votes in single digits Bachmann pledged to remain in the race.

“I believe I am the true conservative who can beat Barack Obama,” she said to a small gathering of supporters here.

Hell, honey – you can’t even beat Rick Perry. Time to go home.

The Quarter Horse in the Race

Last night Mitt Romney (R-Mitt Romney) hit his head really hard against the 25% ceiling.

Which means 75% of Republicans don’t like you unto death in 2012, Mitt.

Strap Seamus (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) to the roof of your car and go home.

Tilting of Windbags

The candidate formerly known as Newt Gingrich (R-Stop Lying About Me, Liar) tells USA Today there’s still a “great debate” to be had by Republicans.

Newt Gingrich, blasting “an avalanche of negatives ads” against him by Mitt Romney backers, said tonight the goal of the 2012 election remains the defeat of President Obama — but only after Republicans resolve their own differences.

“There will be a great debate in the Republican Party before we are prepared to have a great debate with Barack Obama,” Gingrich said after his fourth-place finish in the Iowa caucuses Tuesday.

Yeah, but you’re probably not gonna be part of it, Newtron.

Google Santorum

Still the same search results, despite the Iowa results.

Paul Small

Ron Paul (R-Am I Gold Yet?) got the short end of the stick with his third-place finish. Via Politico:

ANKENY, Iowa – Ron Paul got twice as many votes in this year’s caucuses as he did in 2008 — but his third place finish was short of the win his supporters and allies had been hoping would transform his campaign into a serious factor in the GOP race.

Translation: Please go home.

So, Hawkie Awards fans, who won in Iowa?

Gentle Giant moving company.