The always-readable Jason Gay broke this news in Thursday’s Wall Street Journal:

LeTR fROm thE RaLLy SQuiRRel AtTornEY

DEaR PEEpLE of SAiNT LOuIs,

My NaMe is RiChaRD FLuFFYTAIL, III, EsQ. I am A SQuiRReL AttornEY with the FiRm of ACoRN, ChEStNUT and PINECone, LLP. I am LICsenSED To pRaCTicE SQuiRReL LaW IN the STaTe of MissOUri as WEll as CAliForNia, New YORK anD aLL FOREsTS.

iT haS ComE To MY aTTenSHUN That ThE SAiNT LOuis CaRDiNaLs haVe Been UsinG the LikENess of My CLienT, “RaLLY SQuiRReL,” In TEEM maTERiALs dURinG tHe NaTIONAl LeAgUe ChaMPEENshup SeeeRiES.

ThiS SAiNT LOuis SquiRREL obSESSION is REpoRTEdLY FuELLED by a SigHTing of My CLIiENT rUNNing past Home Plate iN a DIvisinAL Playoff GamE WhErE the CaRDs BEet THE PhiLADelPHia FiLLies.

The offending materials: “TherE are ‘rALLy SQuiRReL’ toWELs aNd TEE sHirtz tHaT SAy ‘GOT SQuiRReL?’ WorsE of All, The Cards aRe selling StuFFed RaLLy SQuiRReLs.”

Enough! The rALLy SQuiRReL (whose real name is Chuck) wants compensation, including “aLL tHe PEeNUTS and CRACKer JacKS” and “an AUToGraPHEd Stan MUSIal jersey.”

And this:

CHuCK the Rally SQUIRReL WoulD likE To eat FRIed CHICKEN and DrINK Beer AND play VIDEO GAmes DURING GaMEs like RED Sox Pitchers.

Somewhere, Ring Lardner is smiling.