The Place: Registry of Motor Vehicles, Watertown Mall

The Objective: Renew my driver’s license, which expired four months ago but I didn’t realize (because the RMV no longer sends you a letter saying, “Your driver’s license is about to expire”) until I flew to San Francisco this week and the Security Guy said, “Your driver’s license expired four months ago.”

Arrival Time: 12:25.  I got #B295. Currently serving: #B277. Estimated wait time: 39min.

Interim Departure Time: 12:30, to go to the Dunkin Donuts across the street.

Return Time: 12:53. Currently serving: B293.

Face Time: 12:55.  The thoroughly nice RMV gal rightly says “I bet you’re happy to get rid of this,” pointing to my expired driver’s license photo which she describes – right again! – as looking like “a lunatic scientist.”

Real Departure Time: I hit the parking lot at 1:04. Thirty-nine minutes after I arrived.

Swear to God.