Campaign Outsider Convoluted Sentence o’ the Day™

Lede of Tuesday’s Boston Globe editorial headlined, “World Cup: Boston shows its international face.”

[Can the hardworking staff take just a moment – or two minutes – to bemoan the interminable load time of the online Boston Globe? Thank you.]

Back to that lede:

Walking around downtown, Boston’s international character is barely visible.

Huh?

Putting aside the misplaced modifier or dangling participle or whatever “Walking around downtown” is (Word meister Jan Freeman: Help!), the hardworking staff found the next sentence even more convoluted:

So Mayor Menino’s plan to broadcast the World Cup finals on City Hall Plaza — and the explosion of interest in the tournament, replete with costumes and flags, at downtown sports bars — is a welcome expression of the city’s makeup.

The headscratching staff hereby applies for the much-needed position of VP/Grammatical Chiropractor at the Globe.

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2 Responses to Campaign Outsider Convoluted Sentence o’ the Day™

  1. Michael Pahre says:

    Let’s try a re-write on that lede:

    “If a Globe editorial board member walks around downtown Boston with his iPod headphones cranked up to 11 and surfing the internet on his SmartypantsPhone, then he may reach the conclusion that Boston’s international character is barely visible.

    “When he takes off his headphones, however, while walking around Faneuil Market, he now hears zillions of languages being spoken around him. The previously clueless journalist now recognizes the international feel of a city in which one-in-three residents was born outside the country — a city also deluged with foreigners during the summertime tourist season.

    “And that journalist returns the next day to a more comfortable position as head of the Globe’s Washington Bureau.”

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