The hardworking staff decided to try something different last night: We listened to the presidential debate while watching the Yankee game. Any similarity between the two is purely coincidental.
9:03-9:15 “You’re a liar!”
“No, you’re a liar!”
It’s going to be a long night.
9:21 “Candy, can I just say something, here? He’s a liar!”
“No, he’s a liar!”
Are we there yet?
9:31 [Bottom 4th: Detroit 1, New York 0.]
9:35 Mitt Romney (R-I’m Talkin’ Here) drags out “top 5% will still pay 60% rate” dodge. When will someone point out that 60% of reduced tax revenues is money in top 5% pockets?
9:40 Wait – all of a sudden Romney is a proud ex-governor of Massachusetts? He balanced the budget four years running? (It’s a constitutional requirement.) He appointed a bunch of women to his cabinet? (Welcome to the 20th century.)
[The home plate umpire apparently put his contact lenses in upside down, because that pitch wasn’t even in the same zip code as the strike zone.]
9:42 Gotta ask America: Do you want to wake up every morning to Romney’s smug, condescending smile? Because he thinks even less of you than he thinks of Barack Obama (D-Is Romney Still Talking?).
9:45 Question to Romney: Are you George W. Bush in venture capital drag?
Romney: No, because I’ll crack down on China.
Obama: Anyone who thinks he’ll crack down on China is on crack.
[Top 5th: Miguel (Triple Crown) Cabrera doubles. Detroit 2, Yankees 0.]
9:50 Obama defends his first term.
9:52 Romney blowtorches his first term.
9:58 Question on immigration from a woman whose name no one can remember. Anyone got a name tag policy?
[Bottom 5th: Detroit 2, Yankees 0. Are the Bronx Bumblers really gonna get shut out again?]
10:02 Romney: No, Candy, I won’t answer your question. I’m going to continue . . . (At this point the hardlistening staff is starting to wonder if Romney’s not just a little too hot for a town hall format.)
10:08 At long last, Libya. Obama talks about Iraq, Afghanistan – anything but Libya.
[Top 6th: Three up, three down.]
10:14 Obama: Yak yak yak act of terror yak yak yak greeted caskets yak yak yak . . .
10:17 Question for Obama: What have you done about assault weapons?
Obama: Yak yak yak broader conversation yak yak yak comprehensive solutions yak yak yak . . .
(Closed captioned for the Obama-impaired: Nothing.)
Romney: Two words – Fast & Furious (also describes Yankee fans jumping ship).
10:26 Romney: On Day One I’ll declare China a currency manipulator.
Obama: China currency up 11%.
Romney: Don’t care.
(Over all, the Chinese haven’t been demonized like this since the last Fu Manchu movie.)
10:30 Last question: What’s the biggest misperception about you?
Romney: That I don’t care about the 100%.
Obama: That I believe he cares about the 100%.
[Super: “Yankees haven’t scored a run in 18 innings.”]
10:39 Merciful end to the debate.
[18 innings? Make that 19.]
11:15 [Merciful end to the game: Yankees – finally – score one in the 9th, but strand two, lose 2-1.]