Imagine the hardworking staff’s excitement when a 14″ x 11″ envelope poured into the Global Worldwide Headquarters with this imprinted on the front:
ADDRESSEE SELECTED TO REPRESENT STATE INDICATED IN NATIONWIDE BALLOT ON PROPOSED TAX INCREASES.
SEALED BALLOT INCLOSED.
UNVOTED BALLOT MUST BE RETURNED.
Yikes, we thought. That’s a lot of responsibility.
It got even more serious from there.
Dear U.S. Taxpayer,
You have been selected by The Heritage Foundation to represent your state in the official Heritage Foundation Tax Increase Ballot.
Heritage will distribute the final results of this nationwide ballot to members of the U.S. House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate. The final tally will be used as a “wake up call” to members of Congress: That grassroots taxpayers like you OPPOSE the huge tax increases being pushed by the liberals in Washington . . . and that instead of raising taxes, Congress should work to rein in Big Government and out-of-control spending.
So, wait – they already know the results, even before the hardworking staff has filled out the survey?
Which, by the way, says this on the back of the SECURE CARRIER ballot:
INSTRUCTIONS IF YOU INTEND TO VOTE:
Vote and return BALLOT in enclosed pre-paid envelope within 5 business days.
INSTRUCTIONS IF YOU DECLINE TO VOTE:
Sign unopened SECURE CARRIER below and return to The Heritage Foundation so one of your neighbors may vote in your place.
Sign here if NOT voting.
Get a life, Heritage Foundation dweebs.
I know my neighbors have one.