First things first:
If you picked “amazing” for your drinking game, you were knee-walking the Red Carpet by 6:16.
Rating the Red Carpet Shows
√ TV Guide Channel: Chris Somebody, Harrison Somebody, and Tabitha the Tonsorial Tsarina from some cable reality show.
√ ABC: Robin Roberts, Maria Menounos, and Tim Gunn in The Bland and The Relentless.
√√ Hallmark Movie Channel: Jessica Somebody, Sam Somebody, and Ellen Somebody, who said about the Red Carpet fashions, “We haven’t seen anything heinous!” Except your dress, sweetheart. (Sorry, can’t locate image. But trust me, her dress is a corker.)
√√√ E! Channel: Ryan Seacrest, Guiliana Rancic, and Kelly Osbourne were surprisingly watchable. Hey – superficial is what they do.
The Actual Broadcast
This is supposed to be the “young & hip” Oscarcast, but if any young people happened to stumble onto it, they were gone within ten minutes.
Best Line of the Night:
James Franco’s grandma saying, “I just saw Marky Mark.”
All downhill from there.
She keeps reaching new heights of obnoxity.
Insufferably self-absorbed, as usual.
Now that’s how to accept an award.
A surprisingly gracious acceptance speech.
Halftime Verdict From The Missus:
Boring. Predictable. Not funny.
Live Action Short Film Guy:
Dress makes her look like she’s pixellated herself.
Come Back to the Five and Dime, Billy Crystal, Billy Crystal.
Cute as a button. Not to mention seven different dresses. (I knew I should’ve taken the over.)
Randy (2-for-20) Newman:
Looks like Michael Caine now, sayeth the Missus.
Best director, best story: Mom found “his next movie.”
Characteristically smart acceptance speech.
Not a great night.